Ommmmm
I am trying to practice mindfulness. For those of you who haven't joined this phenomenon, I am essentially trying to be more present. After wallowing in a pit of despair and self-hatred for so long I decided to start getting out of my head a bit more, and for me before there was always only one way to do that: Reading. Books allowed me to understand someone else's mind and troubles so I wouldn't have to think about my own for a while. Practicing meditation (and no I don't sit cross legged and chant like my boyfriend thought I meant) and mindfulness for me simply means I am learning to act with more self compassion and awareness. I am being more present.
For years I've been a daydreamer. At work I am constantly dreaming of other scenarios, anything else to avoid the monotony of my desk job (sorry colleagues) and whisk me away elsewhere. I imagine myself in 'scenes' which could be from my past and I reimagine how I could have acted, or, more often, they're involving future situations and my daydreams are sort of like test runs for how I could react or behave in certain situations which are stressing me out. I do this all day long, while cooking, showering, working, driving, anything. Really this is all a very elaborate coping mechanism, but it doesn't really help me cope. When I imagine future scenarios, I am really just obsessing over the details of my own behaviour, and the same for the past daydreams, I am rehashing events and wishing I could have made things better. But the past is the past, (insert annoying Disney song here while singing atop a mountain from your ice palace).
So I am attempting, and I do say attempting, I am not good at this yet, to be more present, to live in the moment (which sounds incredibly corny) in order to remain more focused and calm and not so panicky. I have tried meditating, which usually goes well, except one time when I fell asleep. I find Yoga is better for me at the moment, it allows me to feel more present in my own body, and my mind focuses on the movements and not on thoughts.
Or I could just pick up a book and lose myself in that instead :P
I have now finished:
16. All I know Now by Carrie Hope Fletcher (oh how I wish I could have read this as a confused teenager, her advice would have been golden back then and I could have felt.. see I'm doing it again. the past cannae be changed Rebecca, move on)
17. Paradise Kiss by Ai Yazawa (MANGAAA. This was an excellent recommendation by a friend all about Japanese teens being all cool and making clothes and mistake and friends= lovely)
18. Nought and Crosses by Malorie Blackman
The final book there, Nought and Crosses, deserves a whole post of it's own so I shall tell you more about my feelings on that one later. But if you haven't read it, it's so so good. Another I wish I had read younger. Alas.
So that's about it for today, I just wanted to share my thoughts on meditation and perhaps you obsess in a similar way and could benefit from some mindfulness training. Give it a go. It's lovely and sunny and I shall attempt to soak up as many rays of Vit D as I can.
Have a wonderful day dear readers.
I'll leave you with this,
Old Scars/Future Hearts
How apt huh? :)
For years I've been a daydreamer. At work I am constantly dreaming of other scenarios, anything else to avoid the monotony of my desk job (sorry colleagues) and whisk me away elsewhere. I imagine myself in 'scenes' which could be from my past and I reimagine how I could have acted, or, more often, they're involving future situations and my daydreams are sort of like test runs for how I could react or behave in certain situations which are stressing me out. I do this all day long, while cooking, showering, working, driving, anything. Really this is all a very elaborate coping mechanism, but it doesn't really help me cope. When I imagine future scenarios, I am really just obsessing over the details of my own behaviour, and the same for the past daydreams, I am rehashing events and wishing I could have made things better. But the past is the past, (insert annoying Disney song here while singing atop a mountain from your ice palace).
So I am attempting, and I do say attempting, I am not good at this yet, to be more present, to live in the moment (which sounds incredibly corny) in order to remain more focused and calm and not so panicky. I have tried meditating, which usually goes well, except one time when I fell asleep. I find Yoga is better for me at the moment, it allows me to feel more present in my own body, and my mind focuses on the movements and not on thoughts.
Or I could just pick up a book and lose myself in that instead :P
I have now finished:
16. All I know Now by Carrie Hope Fletcher (oh how I wish I could have read this as a confused teenager, her advice would have been golden back then and I could have felt.. see I'm doing it again. the past cannae be changed Rebecca, move on)
17. Paradise Kiss by Ai Yazawa (MANGAAA. This was an excellent recommendation by a friend all about Japanese teens being all cool and making clothes and mistake and friends= lovely)
18. Nought and Crosses by Malorie Blackman
The final book there, Nought and Crosses, deserves a whole post of it's own so I shall tell you more about my feelings on that one later. But if you haven't read it, it's so so good. Another I wish I had read younger. Alas.
So that's about it for today, I just wanted to share my thoughts on meditation and perhaps you obsess in a similar way and could benefit from some mindfulness training. Give it a go. It's lovely and sunny and I shall attempt to soak up as many rays of Vit D as I can.
Have a wonderful day dear readers.
I'll leave you with this,
Old Scars/Future Hearts
How apt huh? :)
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